The Dialogue Diaries III

[Me channel surfing]

Me: Oh look! Here's a movie about you and Jessica!

Bestfriend: And what's that?

Me: Dumb and Dumber

Bestfriend: [snatches the remote from me and starts channel surfing]

Bestfriend: Oh here's a movie about you and your crush!

Me: yeah? What's that?

Bestfriend: He's Just Not That Into You.

Me: ...

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[Me eavesdropping to a couple in a park with my friend]

Girl: It's kind of cold.

Boy: Here, take my jacket babe.

[Meanwhile]

Friend: I'm cold too.

Me: Well damn, dude. I don't control the weather.

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Friend: Hey! Stop staring at her boobs.

Me: HOW DARE YOU, I'M STARING AT HER HEART!

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[Bros]

Bro 1: Did you just fart bro?

Bro 2: Why, bro?

Bro 1: Because you blew me away, bro!

Bro 2: Broooooooo

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[Talking about zombies]

Person 1: What if they eat my brains?

Person 2: It'll be a light meal.

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Someone I hate: Without ugly in this world, there would be nothing beautiful.

Me: Thank you for your sacrifice.

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Interviewer: If you had five apples and you gave three to a friend, what do you have?

Me: *tears up*

Me: A....a friend

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Someone: Look, I just think it's time for you to settle down, you know? Make a choice, pick a lane!

Me: Who's Elaine?

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Idiot: Hello, 911?

Idiot: How are you?

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15 year old me: Who are you?

21 year old me: I'm you, but gayer.