The Chronicles of Anxiety
Anxiety /aNGˈzīədē/ - a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
I don't really know how I'm supposed to start this post. I feel like when an idea pops up in my head, someone or figuratively something will whisper in my ear saying that it's a horrible idea or that I should change it or I should just not post it all. Then I'll end up not posting it at all, with my head buried under the pillows sulking. Like I'm so concentrated with all the things that may go catastrophically wrong, that I forgot the good things that can happen.
Same thing goes when I'm in a conversation with someone I just met, I'm constantly consumed by "what if's" like 'what if I accidentally say something weird?' or 'what if I stutter and they'll think I'm awkward then they'll start to hang out with other people and I'll end up with myself again?'. And at the end of the day, I'll think about everything that I wish I have done or say or at least tried to have done that day. I'll think about improving my eye contact with people while talking to them, I'll try to be kinder with myself, I'll try not to worry too much and think of the worst case scenario every time. But unfortunately, all those pep-talk with myself don't really work and on the next day, the same loop happens. I'll feel anxious all over again and think of the wrong things that can happen, and this is all because of my anxiety.
Come to think of it, we all have anxiety but some are just better at handling with it. When I was younger, I thought that having to feel or exhibit the signs of anxiety were normal like getting scared of your mom leaving you at school or being terrified of crowded places. But then in high school, anxiety made a sharp turn to my social life and schoolworks. I became this kind of perfectionist where I would stress over the smallest of assignments or projects because I wanted to give or input my best effort into it. And when it's time to sleep, I couldn't. Like my whole body is in a shutdown but my mind is still on full-speed being anxious. I also disliked presentations where I'd be force to stay in front of people and do what I'm tasked to do, anything like that would send my stomach into knots. And if I ever done something stupid or weird in front of people or at least I think it's stupid, I would constantly think of it the whole day and wish that I didn't do it.
It's been hard having anxiety, it causes depression and isolation from people, causing you to distance yourself even from the people you love. But I found out that there are ways to cope with this, and one of them is humor. Don't get scared of your anxiety, don't let it defy or control your mindset, instead, learn to laugh with it. Don't believe what I'm saying? then read the things below, I think there's nothing better than relating with people who understands what we're feeling.
Want more?
Same thing goes when I'm in a conversation with someone I just met, I'm constantly consumed by "what if's" like 'what if I accidentally say something weird?' or 'what if I stutter and they'll think I'm awkward then they'll start to hang out with other people and I'll end up with myself again?'. And at the end of the day, I'll think about everything that I wish I have done or say or at least tried to have done that day. I'll think about improving my eye contact with people while talking to them, I'll try to be kinder with myself, I'll try not to worry too much and think of the worst case scenario every time. But unfortunately, all those pep-talk with myself don't really work and on the next day, the same loop happens. I'll feel anxious all over again and think of the wrong things that can happen, and this is all because of my anxiety.
Come to think of it, we all have anxiety but some are just better at handling with it. When I was younger, I thought that having to feel or exhibit the signs of anxiety were normal like getting scared of your mom leaving you at school or being terrified of crowded places. But then in high school, anxiety made a sharp turn to my social life and schoolworks. I became this kind of perfectionist where I would stress over the smallest of assignments or projects because I wanted to give or input my best effort into it. And when it's time to sleep, I couldn't. Like my whole body is in a shutdown but my mind is still on full-speed being anxious. I also disliked presentations where I'd be force to stay in front of people and do what I'm tasked to do, anything like that would send my stomach into knots. And if I ever done something stupid or weird in front of people or at least I think it's stupid, I would constantly think of it the whole day and wish that I didn't do it.
It's been hard having anxiety, it causes depression and isolation from people, causing you to distance yourself even from the people you love. But I found out that there are ways to cope with this, and one of them is humor. Don't get scared of your anxiety, don't let it defy or control your mindset, instead, learn to laugh with it. Don't believe what I'm saying? then read the things below, I think there's nothing better than relating with people who understands what we're feeling.
Want more?
Well, that's about it, goodluck with your anxiety
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