The Dialogue Diaries (Chapter II)

Me: Admit it, you fell for me.
My Crush: You tripped me!

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Friend: Did you just fall?

Me: No. I attacked the floor.

Friend: Backwards?

Me: I'm freaking talented.

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Me: Mama, you're invading my personal space.

Mom: You came out of my personal space.

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Me to couples in school: I have PTSD from your PDA

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[Me and my crush texting]

Me: Hey

Crush: Hey?

Me: I can't sleep :\

Crush: I can. Goodnight.

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Me: Mom you're not funny. Don't make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

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Me: Do you like me?

My Crush: No...

Me, tearing up: Ok, just a survey

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Me to someone I hate: I'm sorry I called you stupid. I honestly thought you already knew.

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Person A: If I were a gardener, I'd put our tulips together.
Person B: Awww.

[Meanwhile]

Person C: If I were a gardener, you'd be my hoe.
Person D: ...Thanks

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Me: [sneezes]
Friend: ...
Me: You're really not going to say "bless you"
Friends: I'm sitting right next to you, so clearly you've been blessed.

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